He said, and I quote, “I guess I would like to hear more about your childhood….I want to understand how you turned out like this.” Um, not sure that was a compliment. So, to give another perspective, I asked my brother to share the top five moments from my childhood…. (please excuse the offensive content, grammar and spelling)
5. Watching Alison's dance recitals.
My mom and dad were super supportive our after school activities. For me, it was mostly baseball and tennis. For my sister, it was dance class. My favorite part of Ali’s dance classes were the costumes. If you know her well, you know that Ali has a very “special” way of dressing ( we all remember the tent phase). Every time she had class , she’d come home with chocolate smeared all over her face. I am not sure what kind of dance class promotes chocolate eating in class but leave it up to my sister to find it. At the end of each “dance year” there would be a big recital. I always thought it was a big deal since my mom would make me wear a tie. I remember, each year, getting super excited to see the big show as my sister spent 8 months preparing herself -- both in class and in front of me and ALL her dolls Every night. All I know is when it came time for my sister's group to get up there they would always just stand there and kind of turn in circles repeatedly. My favorite “act” was a jazz routine where my sister kept waving to my mom and sticking out her stomach and laughing. I think my dad requested his money back.
4. The scissor stabbing incident
When i was a teenager i would have some regular sleepovers. Me and my friend, Ulz Klein, would hang out, watch movies, smoke pot on the side yard, look at gay porn magazines, and play video games. This one instance Ulz and I were in the upstairs den chatting when Ali came in. I may have called her fat…and all of a sudden, Ali became a crazy woman (don’t call her fat) and came storming in at me with scissors claiming she was gonna stab me. After some commotion and screaming, 90% of it coming from her, my father came running in. Clearly, the smarter of us two, she hid the scissors immediately of course my father thought I was going after her. He grabbed me and told me to leave her alone.
3. Cutting carrots = E.R. con no jewelry
At age 10/11 my sister became more or less brilliant. She was way smarter than me and would know things that could possibly get her on jeopardy. One night her eyes were hurting and she read in one of her science books that carrots are good for your eyes. At 10pm she came down stairs and decided to slice up some carrots. She also happened to slice a piece of her finger while doing it and screamed pretty loud which woke up the pervert (my dad). As the pervert was figuring out what to do, my mom told him to take Ali to the ER and get her stitched up. As she was bleeding all over the place, the pervert just sat there debating if it were safe for him to wear his watch or wedding ring to the ER. He literally sat there for 15 minutes debating what to do as my sister was bleeding like crazy. This gives a little better of an understanding as to why Ali and I am so neurotic.
2. 3am is the new bath time
All throughout high school i would be woken up by the sound of running water all cause my sister enjoyed her late night bath. I don't think she was a good sleeper. She would decide late at night to take baths and sometimes sing bel biv devoe or boyz 2 men out loud as she soaked in the tub for an hour or so. One time I had a friend sleeping over and he heard the bath and singing and he woke up and said "what the fuck is that???" I just said it was my sister, it’s normal around here. That friend never slept over again and is no longer my friend. That's when I discovered that 3am baths with singing of "END OF THE ROAD" was not considered normal in most homes.
1. Ali loves Party of 5
Most people in our age group are fond believers that 90210 was the greatest show ever (well, that and seinfeld). My sister will admit to her love for 90210 but do NOT try and argue with her that it is the greatest show. You will lose. This girl loves PARTY OF 5. She would go around quoting Charlie as if he were the grand wizard and she were a loyal kkk member. Alison was in love with this show. She would sometimes even say how if our mom and dad died she would want to adopt 3 more kids so we can be like them. I used to love watching my sister watch this show. She would cry at the end of EVERY episode and then she would watch it again cause she would record them on VHS. She would always make fun of me for watching reruns of seinfeld or 227 but party of 5 was different. She quoted that thing like the bible. I recall they once won an Emmy for best new show and she was in tears. Like she just won a Nobel peace prize or something. Later on, when the show got cancelled my sister spun in to a deep depression. I actually think she hasn't been the same since.
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