For years, I felt quite ashamed about this never-ending hunger for attention. I tried and tried to convince myself that I needed nothing and no one. Obviously that was just a waste of time. I basically live my life as though I am on stage and everyone around me is merely the audience. Kidding (not really). Recently, I have really come to accept my reality and I am at the verge of actually celebrating it.
Last week I commented to my paid friend-- “I know we worked hard on feeling less shameful for needing so much attention. I really do accept and acknowledge it but I feel like I can’t stop asking for it now. To what end paid friend, to what end?? I am nervous that I inadvertently have become an attention monster?!? When will I be full???” Then, of course, she told me that we need to work on this and eventually, getting (and not getting) attention will not affect my self esteem. A sphincter says what?!? I bet I wear a size 2 before that happens.
So, to follow in the footsteps of the great David Letterman, I am going to air out my dirty laundry and make a joke of it.
Below is a graph that charts out my self esteem based on attention I received today:
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